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                  1. 囧哥說事:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    囧哥每日日常——

                    快遞也快要放假了,內心的本囧...

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    【沒品段子】

                    1、

                    不勞而獲不是不行,而是輪不到你。(@大頭和他的朋友們)

                    ——雖然不勞而獲輪不到你,但是付出得不到回報經常是你啊!(@輔導員吳彥舉)

                    ——那我還要拿著愛的號碼牌去排隊嗎(@fungjim6ling)

                    ——走走后門,插個隊行不行(@一頭張小喵)

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    2、

                    “女生成長的表現之一就是當年心中的王子成了現在心中的公主。”(@伊謝爾倫的風)

                    ——以前:他好帥!我要嫁給他!現在:他好可愛!媽媽最愛的崽!(噎)(@Huki是紫色的ki)

                    ——那男孩子成長的表現之一就是自己成為當年心目中的公主(@顧漫漫兮)

                    ——時間是怎么劃過了我皮膚只有泥塑最清楚。(@劉碼露)

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    3、

                    我之前一直以為奶茶里只有珍珠椰果和仙草凍,今天去了一家奶茶鋪,發現配料竟然有青稞,燕麥,芋泥,紅豆,珍珠和椰果等多種選擇。服務員問我想要哪一樣,我說那就都各來點兒嘗嘗吧。拿到手上才發現我點了一杯臘八粥,半杯都是稠的,把吸管都堵牢了,呼嚕嚕半天沒嘬出東西來。服務員有些尷尬,問我還需要些別的么,我說要不然你給我雙筷子吧。(@本冰)

                    ——高配奶茶的本質是八寶粥(@段子樓)

                    ——我有天點了燕麥奶茶沒有拿吸管,只能回家倒在馬克杯里喝,乍一看感覺自己在吃豬食(@Misszizz)

                    ——還有布丁,我還在這邊遇到了爆珠。爆珠內部味道不錯,可是爆珠皮就像是口腔上表皮,可以放在顯微鏡下教學。(@阿姆斯特朗回旋加速太長不想打了)

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    4、

                    滅霸掌握宇宙尖端科技,還得到了六顆寶石,卻不能讓頭發長出一根,可見脫發真的無可救藥。(@銀教授)

                    ——子非滅霸,安知滅霸之樂也(@壹期壹會·)

                    ——我變禿了,也變強了(@透哭你)

                    ——也可能是寶石輻射?(@復方二十七empty)

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    5、

                    人最重要的就是做事坦蕩問心無愧,但萬一有愧,就說服自己不要有。(@小羊愛吃醬肘子)

                    ——理直氣壯,理不直是理錯了(@南嶼北島_)

                    ——還需要說服嗎 問心無愧的事我才記得 問心有愧的我問都不問(@想和姑娘kp)

                    ——有愧就是心里有鬼,我怕鬼,所以我無愧(@Siouxsie柯西)

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    【每日囧聞】

                    紋身社會人——

                    【90后黑老大身上紋孫悟空 手下紋豬八戒沙僧,結果都被抓】浙江永康某黑社會性質組織,為首的老大是90后,身上紋著孫悟空,他的手下紋著豬八戒、沙和尚、唐僧…因老大崇拜《古惑仔》里的“山雞”,于是自封“屯盟山雞”,漸漸以他為首的團伙組織形成。據金華市公安局掃黑辦陳警官介紹,該團伙聚眾斗毆、尋釁滋事、敲詐勒索、開設賭場、非法插手民間經濟糾紛、暴力討債,還充當地下出警隊。2017年12月底,民警通過摸排探索發現了這一組織,經過掃黑辦的不懈努力,最終抓獲了20余名團伙成員。

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    前有小豬佩奇身上紋,現有西游紋身社會人

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    唐僧師徒:你侵犯我們肖像權了!問過我們嗎??

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    要是紋個葫蘆娃,還能多帶幾個小弟就不會被抓了

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    小男鵝們——

                    某公司年會現場,這誰挺得住啊!

                    對會跳舞的男生毫無抵抗,愛上了(假的

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    中年版油膩肥天鵝

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    這肚子都是復制黏貼的嗎,盤的挺圓潤的嘛

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    雞賊,哪里跑——

                    【偷雞賊鉆15厘米門縫進雞棚 被甕中捉鱉】近日,溫州王師傅來到自己果園,發現雞棚里有一名偷雞男子,王師傅隨即報警。民警趕到后將男子當場抓獲。經查,男子仗著身材瘦小,想從15厘米的門縫硬擠進去偷只雞吃,結果出不來了。目前徐某被處以行政拘留7天。

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    偷雞賊:抓我可以,別罵我是鱉,我不要面子啊

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    傳說的縮骨功,2D3D自由切換

                    偷雞不成賠把米,原來這男人叫把米

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    不講理的碰上了不要命的——

                    【女子為機場座位毆打另一女子 反遭對方KO還賠了500元】1月24日,合肥新橋機場內,兩名女子因搶座位互相撕扯毆打。起初,黑衣女子毆打白衣女子,5秒后,白衣女子脫下外套開始反擊,把黑衣女子摁在地上一頓揍。民警到現場把兩人帶走,經調解,挑事一方女旅客補償對方因誤機造成的損失500元。

                    以為是個霸王,其實是個菜雞,簡稱霸王K雞

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    所以在不清楚對方段位之前不要貿然出手

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    技能冷卻完畢,憋怒氣值爆技能!

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    騙財騙色——

                    【"情圣"騙前女友70萬被捕 竟引來多名現女友趕來問候】1月20日下午,成都東車站派出所民警在巡邏時抓獲一名網逃人員。經查,嫌疑人董某2013年起以各種理由騙取前女友70萬余元人民幣。令民警意外的是,當晚便有一個自稱董某女友的女孩前來派出所要求探望,同時還有一個女孩打來電話自稱自己是董某女朋友,希望民警能夠替自己向董某表達“關懷之情”。面對董某的感情經歷,值班民警哭笑不得,希望這些女孩子今后都能睜大眼睛....

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    有這本事,不去白馬會所真是浪費!

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    這位大哥怕是情商技能天賦點滿了啊

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    人都花心,狗狗也更厲害了——

                    【史上最花心的狗子:家有嬌妻還處處留情】韓國一只叫做Jjanga的狗子,拋棄自己懷孕的妻子,總是偷偷外出,有時半天都不回來。于是主人給它套上攝像機,看看它外出時到底都干了啥?原來狗子在外面居然有五個女朋友,還都有了他的孩子……真是令狗頭大啊

                    狗中韋小寶

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    完了,現在說男人又有新的詞了——男人都是大狗爪子

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    哼,渣狗,不離婚還留著過元宵嗎?

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    想找狗系男朋友的是不是錯了,有點方

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    【囧你個圖】

                    徐崢:發型理的不錯(@追風少年劉全有)

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    續命沒問題啊(@大菌子和小鏡子)

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    廁所感應沖水(@迷惑行為大賞)

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    賤出精髓了(@SLOMO-Lu小魚)

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    下午我媽來我家里打掃完之后...剛回到家打開門,嗯,大吉大利(@次元模坊-叮當先生)

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    想養貓的來拔草(@花生了咩)

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    最近會越來越多(@英式沒品笑話百科)

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    硬核聯機群~(@GAME)

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    新一屆曬沙雕年會獎品大賽已經開始了嗎!(@鞭鞭于白水)

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    我國男子圖鑒(@酸耳朵兒)

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    【我要上墻】

                    【今日話題】

                    如果你的對象是一個非人生物2.0版 你會選:

                    A.天使

                    ①人類信徒的守護者 天堂的戰士

                    ②可以輕松治愈你所有的傷病(包括痛經)

                    ③擁有大理石雕塑般的完美身材

                    ④在不違背原則的情況下對你有求必應

                    ⑤只會回應你一個人的祈禱

                    ⑥一天中有六個小時都在梳毛

                    ⑦吵架時會帶你飛上四百米高空讓你冷靜

                    ⑧偶爾會說一些恥度爆表的中二臺詞

                    ⑨經常吹造物主的彩虹屁

                    ⑩從此你虔誠信仰上帝 背誦并默寫圣經全文

                    B.龍

                    ①傳說級別的上古生物 擁有強大的力量

                    ②還擁有堆滿整個山洞的寶石和黃金

                    ③可以在人形和龍形之間自由切換

                    ④龍形態下可以讓你爬到身上隨便玩

                    ⑤最珍視的寶物是你

                    ⑥一天中有六個小時都在數錢

                    ⑦吵架之后會自閉 跑回山洞里團成一個球

                    ⑧打噴嚏時可能會控制不住噴火

                    ⑨對人類的財寶有掠奪的欲望

                    ⑩從此方圓幾百里的珠寶店三天兩頭慘遭打劫

                    C.精靈

                    ①誕生于生命之樹 具有金手指屬性

                    ②熟練掌握各種語言 甚至可以和動物交流

                    ③顏值優越 美得超越性別

                    ④箭術異常高超 自古弓兵多掛B

                    ⑤愿意和你分享不老的生命

                    ⑥一天中有六個小時都在護膚

                    ⑦吵架之后會揪花瓣 把家里的盆栽全揪禿

                    ⑧輕微潔癖

                    ⑨素食主義者 堅持低糖低脂健康飲食

                    ⑩從此告別垃圾食品 包括奶茶和肥宅快樂水

                    D.半人馬

                    ①上半身是人 下半身是馬

                    ②擁有自己的牧場莊園和一片森林

                    ③喜歡赤裸上身 但你選的衣服會乖乖穿上

                    ④人形部分和馬形部分都符合人類審美

                    ⑤只有你可以騎在他背上

                    ⑥一天中有六個小時都在跑步

                    ⑦吵架之后會用蹄子刨地 尾巴瘋狂亂甩

                    ⑧睡覺的時候更習慣站著睡

                    ⑨是彩虹小馬的忠實粉絲

                    ⑩偶爾會趁你不備把自己的毛染成死亡芭比粉

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    【洗腦推薦】

                    在哪能找到我——

                    登錄手機新浪網sina.cn點“更多”

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    然后下拉就能找到“囧哥說事”啦↓↓↓

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    or直接在囧哥每日雞湯——

                    一開始的時候,總覺得來日方長,什么都有機會,殊不知人生是減法,見一面少一面,來日不方長。

                    終于周六了~明天見啦,么么噠~

                    囧哥:這誰頂得住啊!聽說是各家年會上常見畫面…

                    當前:

                    囧哥說事

                    推薦:節操精選毒舌美少女逗妹吐槽囧圖

                    上一篇:?囧哥說事:有事嗎?倆業主微信群里吵架 從晚上10點持續吵到早上7點

                    下一篇:囧哥說事:女子地鐵站暈倒,清醒后第一句竟是……

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